Keeping Up With the Kardashians

What motivates you?  What do you see or experience in life that makes you want to keep going?

Just the other day when I wrote about luxury, it got me thinking about what motivates me.  And how some people find reality TV to be just another distraction.  That the only people who watch it are zombies. 

Well, I’m no zombie.  And I’m addicted to shows like Keeping Up With the Kardashians. 
It motivates me.
Something about how they’re always talking about business.  The way they’re always on the go and making moves.
I see how clean they are even when they’re not all dolled up.  And being clean, as I’ve explained before is the center of my idea of luxury.
When I’m in a deep depression, I tend to let myself go.  Bathing, cleaning up, they fall by the wayside as I just lie there feeling like crap on a stick.
Now that I have kids, the most I do is for them and I completely neglect myself.  I bathe them, feed them, make sure they have clean clothes on.  I’d clean up just so they can have room to play ad be safe but neglect my own bedroom.  At least, when I had them, I did.

But when I watch that show, I suddenly want to take a shower, do my hair, clean my home.  And when I’m done, I want to start blogging, making videos, work harder to make money.  And I start planning out my day to work towards my goals.

I start imagining myself as a big success and giving my TEDxTalks and going into work to check on my non-profit outreach program that I started up.  I imagine myself going to a book signing and doing a photo shoot for O Magazine for an article they wrote on me and the work I’m doing for change in the world.
I imagine myself in a big, HUGE house I designed myself and a bunch of my homies living there with me and my children playing with my foster children.

Harley, do you really get all that from watching such a dumb show?
Yes.  Yes I do.

But their so shallow and their lives are fully of nothing but first-world problems.  They don’t know what it’s like to really struggle.  How could you even waste your time watching it?
I don’t know them, or their lives.  I don’t care if they can’t relate.  In fact, I hope they don’t ever live through the kind of things I’ve lived through.  I don’t want anyone to ever be able to relate to me on that level.  But I can relate to them on one level and that is a serious work ethic.

Yeah, but can you really call what they do work?
Yes.  That elitist attitude towards everyone else’s work is disgusting to me.  It’s the same attitude that makes people say that one some jobs don’t deserve higher pay.  It’s the same attitude that created the term “menial job”.  I’m sorry, but if it’s work paying someone else to do, then how could you call it menial?  If it’s so menial, then you do it, asshole.  It’s like, “oh, it’s so simple, the job isn’t worth paying that much for.”
No.  You’re not paying for the work.  You’re paying for a portion of a person’s life.  You don’t think a person’s life is worth paying a decent wage for what you consider to be “so easy”?  Then if it’s so easy, then do it yourself.
Work, is work, is work.  Somebody’s gotta do it.  And also, I can tell you, running a business and working for yourself and running all over creation just to get things done is exhausting in a different way than doing construction or being a janitor or being a teacher or what have you but it’s exhausting nonetheless.  Don’t knock someone else for what they do.  Don’t ever tell anyone that their job is “so easy” or that it’s “not even real work”.  I for one have only dabbled in modeling.  And lemme tell you, that shit is fuckin exhausting.  For no real damn reason, that shit is exhausting as hell.  Aside from amateur modeling, I’ve done tree hauling, patched drivesways, landscaping, babysitting, worked in daycares, office assistant, dabbled in graphic design, been a home health aide and lemme tell ya, ANY work is hard work when you put in 100%.
My point is, these women have a great work ethic and it’s that that I idolize in and of itself.

Motivation and inspiration are things that you can’t just conjure.  You can’t make a list of what is or isn’t supposed to be inspiring or motivating.  They come from the strangest, most unexpected places.  Don’t judge.  Don’t hate.  Just appreciate.

A Life of Luxury

Today’s writing prompt

When most people think of this, they envision a life similar to that seen on any given reality show on E.
Fancy cars, big houses, 5-star spa level pampering, designer clothes.  Those are what you see in all he advertisements that tell you, what luxury is.
My idea of luxury?
I want a place to live.  My rent paid, my utilities paid.  Clean clothes that actually fit me.  My home is clean and smells nice.  My clothes smell nice.  My body is clean and I smell nice.  My skin is moisturized.  My hair is clean and healthy.
That’s all.
I don’t need fancy, designer clothes, I just want them to fit and be clean.
I don’t need $200 lotions and potions to make my body and hair to feel healthy and clean and beautiful.  Heck, my secret is that I only use baby products and Olay anti-aging products.  And I use kids’ sunscreen.  The value pack.
Shoes?  Of course I love shoes.  But I don’t need to buy them all the time.  Maybe, I’ll treat myself to some with my tax refund.  Maybe if I have an couple good months in a row and I’m ahead on my bills (I love when that happens), I’ll make a little splurge.
But, oh my god, that feels so incredibly luxurious.

I still enjoy getting my hair and nails done.  I just don’t do it anywhere near as much as I would like.  In fact, I got my hair done last week for the first time in over 5 years.

I think maybe once I start working again, I’ll start doing a series within my documentary of how to budget to get back on my feet.  Who knows, maybe it can help someone else?

Homeless luxury….  lol. Maybe I’ll do a little of that too.

Shared from WordPress

I don’t know if this will work the same as a reboot but here it is.  It’s pretty freakin cool and perfectly aligns with my overall message of how being humble and thankful doesn’t equate to tolerating crap you’d rather not.

Not Everyone Can Work the Job of Their Dreams, But That Doesn’t Mean You Have to Settle For a Job Yo… – http://wp.me/p5oRrb-87H

Vitamin Water

I had a pretty okay day singing on 14th Street outside Target.  Someone gave me an umbrella and someone else gave me a ten and a bottle of vitamin water.
When I got the ten and the water, I hopped right up and ran into Target’s restroom and set my vitamin water down and forgot it.  When I returned, it was already gone.
I was really disappointed that I lost it because that would have gone very well with the Chinese food I bought with my earnings today.

If you didn’t already know, I’m documenting my journey from homelessness and getting on my feet and putting my family back together by fixing my dysfunctional, codependent, abusive, tumultuous relationship with Mr. J and getting our kids back from CPS.  They’re staying with my aunt for the time being while we get things in order.
I’m posting YouTube videos whenever possible to keep y’all posted as to what’s going on.

I think I’m finally finding my niche in what I want my blog and YouTube channel to actually be.  At least for now.
For now I want them to be simply a documentation of my struggles to climb out of the deep, dark pit I’ve lived in my whole life.  I’m done being a victim and I’m ready to be he strong woman, mother and role model my family deserves.

If I want to be the super life coach I know I’m meant to be and stick to my five year plan, I’ve got to start now.  And I already have.
Check out my videos here.  The link will take you to one of my recent videos explaining why I’m putting my journey out there for the world to see.  Things that most people would hide away and pretend isn’t there, I’m just putting a camera right in its face and saying, “This!  This right here is what the struggle looks like for some.  Five years from now, when I have my own place, when I’ve written my first best-seller, when I’ve start both my non-profit and for-profit businesses.  Five years from now, when I’m doing my first #TedTalk and I look successful and like I’m just so glamorous and fabulous.  Five years from now, when I stand there on that stage preparing to tell and audience of knowledge seekers and I appear to have it all figured out.  Five years from now, I will be trembling on the inside.  Concerned about how well my start-ups are going to do that year, concerned about whether or not I’ve bitten off more than I can chew.
I will tell my story.  I will talk about how I was homeless for most of the first ten years of my adult life.  I will talk about the trials and tribulations I have suffered through, the mistakes I’ve made, the way I used to think.  Then I’ll tell that audience about how I turned my own life around and put myself on the road I want to be.
And for those who don’t believe my story, those who think I’m over exaggerating or outright lying.  I will direct them to my YouTube channel and my blog.  And right on the screen before them, they can watch my metamorphosis over just the last five years.”

I love you all.  I’ll write again as soon as I can and update you.  In the meantime, check out my channel.  It’s a hell of a lot easier for me to upload a video than it is to type out a blog post these days.  Especially since my phone is damaged so badly that now I believe it’s possessed.
Yeah.  Sometimes it types what it wants to instead of what I want.  Makes typing in passwords very tricky.

Well, until next time, Wonderlings.  Love, light and awesomeness to you all.

Why Doesn’t No Mean No?

Why do I have to fight?  Why do I have to physically hurt you or kill you for you to get the hint?
Why do I have to keep getting reasons to be a man-hating, castrating bitch?
Why do you act like I’m wrong for telling you No?  Why am I treated like the bad guy?  Why can’t you accept that I don’t want to give you a hug?  Why can’t you just be okay with me not wanting you to kiss me?  Even on the cheek?
No, I don’t want to show you my stomach!  No, I don’t want to wear your shirt!  No, it doesn’t have anything to do with my husband!  I just don’t want to fuck you!  I don’t find you attractive!  No, not even if you paid me!  ESPECIALLY if you paid me!  Even if I was single, I wouldn’t want you!
Why do I have to feel like I have to take your life in order to stop you from doing what you want to me?
What the hell is wrong with you?  Is it that hard to understand that I don’t give a fuck about how hard you are?  Or how much money you have?  Or how long it’s been since you got some?  Is it so fucking hard to understand that it is NOT my fucking duty to “take care of you”?!
I hate you.  I hate you with eveything I have.
Please kill yourself.

Rebel Without a Cause

I was watching Gilmore Girls for the umpteen millionth time and had a thought occur to me.
Lorelei is just as close-minded and judgmental as Emily.  The only difference is she’s into different things.  She’s just as unwilling to be okay with anything outside of her comfort zone as Emily.  In some ways even more so.
And because of this, I noticed that the only time Lorelei and Rory ever have a disagreement is when Rory wanted to venture outside of Lorelei’s comfort zone.
It reminded me of this one family on and episode of Wife Swap that I watched because the two families were so drastically different that I wanted to see how it went.
Well, one family was totally gothed/punked out.  They were like a modern day Addams Family.  The other family was completely conventional.  Preppy, you could definitely say.
Like the people in the summer camp in Addams Family Values.
Anyway, what I witnessed in the swapping of these wives was anything like what I expected.
The preppy family was a lot more flexible and open to trying the new things that the Munster Mom was suggesting.  But the Munster Family was having none of what Preppy Mom was bringing to the table.
And all the while, it turned out the daughter in the Munster Family was into a lot of popular things.  She liked magazines and fashion and trendy clothes and pop music.  But she felt like she couldn’t be herself out of fear that her family would mock her relentlessly and wouldn’t accept her.
I’ve noticed this a lot in life in general.
You would think that in Oklahoma or Tennessee, I would find more Christian families that were rainbow flag burning, picket sign holding, hate mongers.  But I didn’t find that much of that.  In fact, I saw more christians who were totally okay with all people in the LBGT community.  They themselves had family members who were gay or bi and loved them completely and unconditionally “the way Jesus does” they told me.  But then moving back over to to the east coast.  Living here in DC.  I have heard the word “faggot” more times in one day than I have heard in years.  I have heard and witnessed more homophobia than I have in years.
It was total culture shock.  I forgot this is the same kind of crap I grew up hearing all the time in Pennsylvania.
My husband could wear anything he wanted living on Oklahoma and no one said a word.  But out here?  He can’t rock a pair of skinny jeans without people making fun of him.
Damnit, I like his sexy legs in skinny jeans.  But everyone out here talks shit.  Why?  Cuz you’re potato-shaped ass can’t pull this off?  Hate is so annoying.

My point is, in my life as an outsider, I’ve found the the most judgmental people are those that don’t fit the status quo.  The freaks who stand out from the crowd, who let their freak flags fly.
We tell everyone that if they fit the status quo, they’re a sellout.  We say if they like anything popular, they have no depth.  We say if they’re not like us, they’re part of the problem.
But isn’t that the exact kind of message we’re supposedly rebelling against in the first place?