If Not Now, When? 

I probably didn’t think this whole gym membership thing through.  But I’m determined to stay the course.  I can’t keep waiting for everything around me to be perfect before I make a move.  I mean seriously.  I’m so sick of there always being some reason why I can’t start NOW. 

It’s been years of that and where have I gotten?  How much closer have I gotten to reaching my goal?  In fact, in waiting for the perfect circumstances to arise, my situation has gotten worse instead. 

So, I made a decision: I can either 1) keep smoking and spending north of $40 on single cigarettes, 2) try to save money by purchasing them a pack at a time instead (which inevitably leads to smoking A LOT more which means no money is actually saved) or 3) I can just spend $40 a month on my health. 

You can plainly see which one I chose.  I even completed my first workout today wearing these boots (check my Instagram @lovelymissquinn for photos).  

What’s happening now is that I am sick to fucking death of the way my life has been going and I’m done taking it slow.  Like I said in my last post, the search is on.  It is on like Donkey Kong.  

In fact, I’ve already got a lead on one job and a group interview at another on Monday.  I’m shocked I was even given an application at the last place I went to, let alone given the time of the next group interview.  The place was extremely hoity toity.  Real linen table cloths fancy placements, candles on each table.

I’m almost convinced they tossed out my application as soon as I left.

I don’t know what I’m going to do about clothing because these boots are the only pair of flat, close-toed shoes I own.  I already know I can do the job.  The only question is, will they give me a chance? 

Who cares?  I have a job.  And I know I’m going to find it. 

Playing Chess

Today I am checking out a daycare for when I get my babies back.  It all falls into my strategy for finding a normal job.  Once I get a general location for the daycare pinned down, then I’ll look for a job in that general area.  And considering how far I can walk like it’s nothing, that radius will be pretty broad.  That way, I only have to worry about getting from the daycare to home, because traffic won’t affect (I think that’s right. I googled it. Let me know if I got it right because this has been driving me nuts) whether or not I make it to work on time.  Basically, as long as I leave my home by a certain time, I should be able to make it to work no matter what.  Especially if I clock my walk time from the daycare to the workplace on my slowest day and calculate accordingly. 

Yes, I know, I sound like a super type A person.  And you would be correct when it comes to all things work.  I hate being late to work or appointments.  The only time I forgive myself for being on time/late rather than early is when it comes to a social meeting/function with no networking or business involved.  Because when it comes to those, it’s a miracle I even make it at all. 

So, anyway!  I just wanted to sharea bit of my strategy in my approach to job searching when childcare is involved.

Of course this only applies to people who are looking for any kind of job as long as they can get hired.  The reverse would probably be better for those looking for a job in a specific field (finding a daycare based on the work location instead).  

Just remember that no matter what you’re doing, take care of yourself.  You can’t perform well at work or present yourself in your best capacity at an interview or what have you if you’re malnourished and half dead.  So, make sure not to push yourself too hard and fuel yourself properly. 

I want to grab and shake every skinny person I know that lives an extremely unhealthy lifestyle and then acts shocked when they get told by the doctor that they’re pre-diabetic. 

New Year, Parenting and Catching Up

I had what started out as a lovely New Year’s with my good friends C and N and their beautiful baby boy.  I met them in the winter of 2015 while we were on the streets.  They’re doing very well now.  They have their own place and vehicle.  I’m really proud of them for all they’ve been able to accomplish in the last year.

The only thing that put a damper on it was N’s lack of self control.  Putting his hand on my knee and asking me if I’d tell on him if he touched me.  And I said, “Just don’t touch me.”  Then the next day he gave me a hug while holding their baby and held on when I tried to pull away.  I haven’t told C about that yet because they were fighting all of New Year’s day.  She invited me to stay with them to help me with getting the kids back and I gave her every other reason why I don’t want to take her up on that offer.  I don’t even want to visit them or be around them anymore.  All because of him.  All because he’s a complete jackass with the temperament of a spoiled rotten toddler.  And to make things worse, I can’t really say much better about her either.  The way she peeled out and slammed on her breaks just because she was angry.   And why in the world wasn’t the baby’s carseat strapped down?  And her lack of concern for her baby slamming into the back of her seat due to her own actions, disturbed the hell out of me.  I mean, sure she asked me 8f he was okay.  But that was it.  She asked me to strap the carseat in.  If that were me.  I would have gotten out the car and been crying and strapping the carseat in myself.  But that’s just me I guess. 

These aren’t the first parents I’ve been around that had their kids taken from them that have played the victim and accused the agencies of just snatching their kids for no reason and keeping them from them on purpose.  And they’re also not the first to show many a reason as to why they might have a reason to have their kids taken in the first place. 

Like this one guy I knew who was angry about his kid being taken but he was constantly high and/or drunk in front of the kid.  There were even times the kids got scared because they couldn’t wake him up.  Or the family we once knew who claimed the same thing about their case but then talked about the bruises the father used to leave on the kids with the whoopings he gave them. 

And in our case, daddy was just a really horrible husband and father and my dumbass was too chump to leave him.  And that, in turn, makes me a bad mother.  So, they took the kids and it broke my heart, but turned out to be a blessing in disguise.  I’m getting myself together.  He’s out of the picture for the most part.  He’s starting to get himself together from last I heard about him.  So, everything is looking up. 

I haven’t been completely smoke-free yet.  I had one cigarette yesterday and one today.  But I’m still proud of myself because that is still way less than I used to smoke.  And tomorrow, my aim is to smoke even less.  And I have no idea how I’m going to start working out while I’m at this stupid shelter.  I’ll figure something out.  I have to because that’s key to my quitting smoking.

I also, reconnected with Mr. J’s mom.  She apparently got my number from Jacques and wanted to apologize for upsetting me.  I guess he knew I’d be okay with that. 

Well, it’s after eleven at night and I have to be up at six. Hopefully tomorrow will be a good day for deliveries.  I have a lot of big plans I need money for.  Like visiting the kids and hanging out with my mom-in-law again. I’ll keep you posted as I figure out how to start a workout routine while staying in this place. 

Also, I have a bunch more information to share with you all about the program here at N Street Village.   And I mean a lot.  It’s been tough narrowing down time to sit and type it all up on my phone.  A laptop is one of my financial goals within the next couple of months as well.  So much to do and so little income.😜

Okay, Universe! 

I read my horoscopes this morning.  I always read Scorpio and Sagittarius since I was born on their cusp.  Sometimes the universe has a way of getting real with you when you least expect it. 

Scorpio:

“You have to accept the decision of someone who is not directly involved.  Put the needs of others ahead of your own for a while. “

To which I thought aloud “Ugh!  I don’t wanna.”

Sagittarius:

“Someone close to you may be upset about your unwillingness to see things from his or her point of view.  Why are you being so stubborn?”

Al-freaking-right, Universe!  Whatever you say in your omnipotent wisdom… 

I proceeded to pout like a little kid for the next ten minutes and like a little kid I forgot all about being in a bad mood and continued my day with that advice in mind and my day was absolutely fabulous. 😆

Dizzy: The Search Begins

Sorry I haven’t been keeping up with my series on how to work the N Street Village system.  I have been sick as a dog and working my butt off trying to act like I’m not.  Found out today (yesterday technically since it’s after midnight) that I have an ear infection and probably have for a few months now since the symptoms my doctor and I went over have been plaguing me for quite some time and slowly getting worse. (oopsy!)

So, anyway, I wanted to share a nifty flyer I saw at Green Door.  It’s for this program that helps with finding jobs.  I’m thinking about checking it out.  Since independent contracting isn’t working out the way it used to (I’m really wishing I still had my phone acting gig. Without the possessive Mr. J around, I could make some real money).

I figure it couldn’t hurt to look into and maybe someone else could find the information helpful. 

It’s time for me to start looking for a “real job”.  And it’s also time to start looking for a trustworthy roommate as well because I need a big apartment and there’s no way I’m going to wait around for a housing voucher when Donald Trump is going to make damn sure all those kinds of programs get the axe.  Therefore, to help pay for my place, I’ll need to find a roommate.  Obviously, if I want my kids back, they have to be trustworthy, drug and drama free and reliable with their share of the rent. 

There are a few places I’m looking at that I am just in love with that also have waiting lists for their subsidized housing programs but then when I see how long the wait is, I get more determined to get my place the old fashioned way.

So, with my new decision to re-enter the normal workforce, I went to Martha’s Table and picked up a bunch of new clothes to replace the crap I already have so I can walk into businesses with my head held high and get those job applications.  I’ve even picked out a notebook to keep track of my job search and everything.  

Anyway, it’s 2:43am and I have to be up at 5 to make sure I get everything ready for today’s adventures. 

I visit with the kids in the morning and meet with my social workers.  Then I do laundry with Brently (you’ll be seeing a lot more of him in the future. He’s joined the ranks of my besties and let me tell you that is a small club and hard to join).  Then I’ll be singing at my usual spot in lieu of doing Postmates work because it’s been so incredibly slooooowww.  My hopes are that it will pick up after the new year rings in. 

Good night, Wonderlings!  Love and light. 

New App

Just downloaded a new app to help me motivate myself to get fit.  I downloaded a lot of new apps really.  Couple of habit trackers, a money management app, a couple to-do list apps and this. 

I think it’s so cool that I can share my results here.

So, I’m hoping to really get back on my path to health, fitness and happiness.  And it would be really cool to track my journey here with all of you wonderful Wonderlings right here watching and cheering one another on. 

My blood pressure : 122/ 81;
My Heart Rate : 75;
My oxygen : 97;
#health @iCareMonitor
Google Play: http://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=comm.cchong.BloodAssistant

App Store: http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/icare-health-monitor-mobile/id1062204827