Work It

I’ve been hearing a lot of grumblings from the natives within my community of homeless women.  And when I say “a lot” of grumblings, I mean a lot.

It’s generally the same complaints across the board.  They feel that the staff here at N Street Village don’t give a damn and don’t actually provide any help.  They also feel trapped and stuck.  As if, the program is designed to keep them in a state of homelessness.
I can understand how it could feel that way for some people especially if they don’t know how to work the system.
So, I’m going to write a few articles about how to work this system for those of us who aren’t in a rehabilitation program.

I will do more research and write a separate series of articles for those who are in recovery. 

So What?

I heard a woman in the restroom saying “Who cares?  That was like ten years ago.  Who cares?”
Since I was in the stall dropping the kids off at the pool, I couldn’t see her.  I certain;y didn’t hear what she was referring to either.

But it got me thinking.  Since when does time diminish the value of an event?  Or its importance?  And I know it’s not the same for everyone or every event.  One person might harbor anger over a moment from years before.  Or maybe a person might still be happy about something that happened decades after the fact.  Some examples would be: my son’s first steps or the first time I was molested.
The pain of what was done to me hasn’t eased that much over twenty five years.  But the indescribable joy that came from watching my son walk for the first time hasn’t lessened either.  Get it?

I think it’s not so much time that changes a person’s view but their personal growth, priorities and experiences.
Like when I pulled out all the stuffing out of all of my stuffed animals.  I didn’t think anything of it at the time.  In fact, I had a blast.  But now I wish I still had them to give to my daughter.  Or when I over shared my person business online.  I didn’t care what anyone thought or were going to think.  But I’m feeling quite foolish now about sharing some of it.

Just thinking out loud I guess.

Somewhere I Belong

(Ha!  It’s the return of the song title blog titles!)

I noticed during my stay here in this shelter that there are a lot of women with severe mental health issues.  And the ones without similar problems are so harsh and judgmental towards them and I find that to be the worst thing about my situation.

I went off on a woman named Shania.  I heard her complaining about a woman with multiple personalities in the bathroom.  The woman was right there in the next stall and she’s complaining about her and talking mad shit about her.  As if she couldn’t hear her.  I felt for the poor woman so I went off on Shania.

I told her, “How judgmental of you.”
She responded with, “Judgmental?  They don’t belong here.  They belong in a facility where they can be monitored 24 hours.”
“Oh, you mean prison?” was my reply.
“No.  I mean a place where they can get help.”
I told her, “NO ONE belongs in a homeless shelter, Shania.  NO ONE belongs in the streets.  I don’t belong here.  I belong in my own place with my children.  And that woman belongs in a safe and loving home.  Those places don’t exist anymore because of all the abuse the patients kept suffering from the staff.  And I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.  Besides, you know how many people have said that same thing about you?”

She didn’t relent and we parted ways without seeing eye to eye but I’m glad I said something to her.

I makes me absolutely sick to see other homeless people act like they’re any better than someone else.  The drunk judging the crackhead, the K2 zombie judging the crackhead.  It’s absolutely disgusting to me.

We’re ALL homeless.  And we’re ALL in this shelter because of a combination of uncontrollable circumstances and our own decisions (like how we reacted to the circumstances for example).

I should have taken Jiraiya and left Mr. J a long time ago because we’re both screwed up because of the time we lived with him.  I shouldn’t have tried conforming to any of his parenting styles because it destroyed me inside trying to be like him.  I shouldn’t have let him back in once I threw him out of the shelter the very first time.  I shouldn have just taken Jem and Jiraiya and left that morning they were taken instead of calling Green Door and telling them how I really felt and getting sent to CPEP.

Coulda, woulda, shoulda.  Every last one of us homeless people has the same damn theme.  Different stories but all the same theme.

Homelessness does not have a face.

 

Omni Journal

I have been struggling s much lately with depression.  So, much has happend that I didn’t get to blog about.

The four nights in a row that I slept outside trying to get into this women’s shelter.  The raccoon that tried to steal Pikachu backpack.  The big break up.  The crackhead stealing my tv.  The things that led up to me moving out of that wretched house instead of allowing them to throw me out.  Te fact that I’m now taking three medications to help balance my natural chemicals so that I still function while I go through all this turmoil and healing.

I’m about to resume therapy wit a new therapist who specializes in CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) as recommended by the court ordered assessment.  I started working for Postmates and recently UberEats.

A lot has happened.  So much.

I’ve been trying to stay organized ad find a way to remember to start documenting my experiences as I’ve tried to do in the past.  I tried bullet journaling but it’s not enough for me.  That’s when I stumbled across something called the Omni Journal.

I think this will be perfect for me since I’ve been needing a way to take notes for my blog ad videos I want to make for my YouTube Channel.

So, why not incorporate these many different elements into one journal where I can have notes, sketches, scheduling, an index and a habit tracker as well?

So, I’m going to try this method of journaling and if it works for me the way I intend, you should be seeing a lot more posts from me and a lot more content on my YouTube Channel as well.

I miss all of you so much!

I miss our interactions and all of the feedback I get from my wonderful Wonderlings.  I promise I’ll be around a lot more as soon as I get my life under control.

In the meantime, just hang tight and like my Facebook Page since my disorganized self seems to be able to find time to post on Facebook but not enough to write in the blog the page is about (I know, right?).

 

 

 

Watch “How To Be Productive” on YouTube

It’s funny I’m watching this exactly three years after it was uploaded. Lol
Well, I woke up feeling unmotivated.  Btw that’s what keeps happening when I’m battling depression. 
But one of the tips in there really struck a chord with me.  I won’t tell you which one it is.  You gotta watch it.  But this tip, I’m definitely going to start trying to apply to myself because I just realized I haven’t been doing it and thought I was.