Woke up at 4:20 exactly. Yep, definitely some mania going on right now. I only went to sleep sometime around 12:30-1:00. I know it’s mania because I don’t feel tired at all. I hope this new dosage on my medication works to balance that out.

I really want to take a more holistic approach to treating my bipolar. But insurance won’t pay for herbs or anything like that.

And I don’t know what to do with myself at all until at least sunrise….

I want to workout but I also don’t want to hurt myself. I’ve been really nervous lately about injuring myself.

I’m so hungry right now. That’s another reason I don’t feel like working out until later. I have to wait for the stores to open to get some food to eat.

These are such weak ass excuses. Hahaha. No worries though, I’m going to definitely get my diastasis recti exercises in. Right now I’m concentrating all my efforts into healing that so I can start working out hardcore the way I used to. Thankfully, the separation isn’t as bad as it could be. And when I was making it worse last year, at least I stopped before it got bad.

I also want a new planner so bad. I want to track my habits and my eating habits as well. I figure if I track my healthy habits, I’ll be able to see in black and white what my mental health is doing. When I’m manic, I tend to get so much done but my sleep cycle suffers which leads to exhaustion which then leads to depression. And when I’m depressed, those healthy habits slip away one by one. And lemme tell you this, it is WAY easier to come out of a manic phase than it is to come out of a depressive phase.

The problem lies in the seamless way I slip into the void of deep depression. I don’t notice it happening until it’s already upon me. By then, I’m so depressed, I don’t even care.

So, maybe by tracking what I eat and my healthy habits, I should be able to notice the depression at the beginning and be able to do something about it. And maybe I’ll vlog about it while I’m at it.