I showered twice today and brushed my teeth and put on lotion. And I did the same yesterday too. And Sunday. And I’ve been slowly sorting out and organizing my room this week. I even picked out my outfit for work tomorrow instead of waiting till the last minute and put my hair into braids so it doesn’t get tangled up while I sleep. Oh and I even washed my hair and shaved my legs! (I haven’t shaved my legs since it was still cold outside)
I know that doesn’t sound like much but for me it’s a sign that the depression phase is finally starting to fade. I’m starting to care for myself the way I normally do instead of just the bare minimum. Like, I’ll shower and brush my teeth and stuff before going to work, but other than that, I don’t when I’m depressed.
I also don’t eat healthy food when I’m depressed either. But today I ate two bananas, a glass of 2% milk and took my multivitamins instead of binging on junk food.
Also, when I’m depressed, I neglect my self care but today I bought some Icy-Hot with lidocaine for the pulled muscle in my back.
I don’t want to jinx anything but I really think these are signs that I’ve made through yet another bad stretch of depression. And I still have my job!
Yes, sadly, in the past depression would have caused me to quit my job and move somewhere else to try and physically run from the feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness. But not this time!
I kept my job and still have it!
I also plan on working out again. Hopefully, I can beat back depression so it doesn’t come back ever again. Once my back is all better I can really start working out hardcore. ^_^
I wish I could say that I did this all by myself but I’m not. I’m taking medication. I mean, technically it is my will power that’s keeping me taking it regularly every day. But I guess my negative thinking just keeps getting in the way.
But my dear friend A, is helping me just by hanging out with me. When I was at my lowest and refusing to bathe, I made sure I showered and brushed my teeth when I hung out with her on my off days. And that helped me feel good. And she’s been lending me her copies of the Harry Potter books which have been giving me an escape from my own dreary thoughts of how lame I am.
We also have a lot in common and I think she’s awesome as all fuck. So, logically, maybe that that means I’m not as much of a loser as depression tries to make me think I am. At least that’s what I like to think.
So, that’s where I am right now. I have hope that I can change my own life for the better, I’m taking the necessary steps and I’m pulling myself out of the abyss one small act of self care at a time.