I had what started out as a lovely New Year’s with my good friends C and N and their beautiful baby boy.  I met them in the winter of 2015 while we were on the streets.  They’re doing very well now.  They have their own place and vehicle.  I’m really proud of them for all they’ve been able to accomplish in the last year.

The only thing that put a damper on it was N’s lack of self control.  Putting his hand on my knee and asking me if I’d tell on him if he touched me.  And I said, “Just don’t touch me.”  Then the next day he gave me a hug while holding their baby and held on when I tried to pull away.  I haven’t told C about that yet because they were fighting all of New Year’s day.  She invited me to stay with them to help me with getting the kids back and I gave her every other reason why I don’t want to take her up on that offer.  I don’t even want to visit them or be around them anymore.  All because of him.  All because he’s a complete jackass with the temperament of a spoiled rotten toddler.  And to make things worse, I can’t really say much better about her either.  The way she peeled out and slammed on her breaks just because she was angry.   And why in the world wasn’t the baby’s carseat strapped down?  And her lack of concern for her baby slamming into the back of her seat due to her own actions, disturbed the hell out of me.  I mean, sure she asked me 8f he was okay.  But that was it.  She asked me to strap the carseat in.  If that were me.  I would have gotten out the car and been crying and strapping the carseat in myself.  But that’s just me I guess.

These aren’t the first parents I’ve been around that had their kids taken from them that have played the victim and accused the agencies of just snatching their kids for no reason and keeping them from them on purpose.  And they’re also not the first to show many a reason as to why they might have a reason to have their kids taken in the first place.

Like this one guy I knew who was angry about his kid being taken but he was constantly high and/or drunk in front of the kid.  There were even times the kids got scared because they couldn’t wake him up.  Or the family we once knew who claimed the same thing about their case but then talked about the bruises the father used to leave on the kids with the whoopings he gave them.

And in our case, daddy was just a really horrible husband and father and my dumbass was too chump to leave him.  And that, in turn, makes me a bad mother.  So, they took the kids and it broke my heart, but turned out to be a blessing in disguise.  I’m getting myself together.  He’s out of the picture for the most part.  He’s starting to get himself together from last I heard about him.  So, everything is looking up.

I haven’t been completely smoke-free yet.  I had one cigarette yesterday and one today.  But I’m still proud of myself because that is still way less than I used to smoke.  And tomorrow, my aim is to smoke even less.  And I have no idea how I’m going to start working out while I’m at this stupid shelter.  I’ll figure something out.  I have to because that’s key to my quitting smoking.

I also, reconnected with Mr. J’s mom.  She apparently got my number from Jacques and wanted to apologize for upsetting me.  I guess he knew I’d be okay with that.

Well, it’s after eleven at night and I have to be up at six. Hopefully tomorrow will be a good day for deliveries.  I have a lot of big plans I need money for.  Like visiting the kids and hanging out with my mom-in-law again. I’ll keep you posted as I figure out how to start a workout routine while staying in this place.

Also, I have a bunch more information to share with you all about the program here at N Street Village.   And I mean a lot.  It’s been tough narrowing down time to sit and type it all up on my phone.  A laptop is one of my financial goals within the next couple of months as well.  So much to do and so little income.😜