Jem is due on the 29th of this month.  I’ve had pretty much zero prenatal doctor visits and I’m not exactly worried about that.  What I am worried about is whether or not she’s going to be breached like Jiraiya was and end up being born via emergency c-section.  Or if I end up unable to give vaginal birth at all because I didn’t wait long enough since the last one.
I know, I know.  Tmi.  But these are real concerns.If I could just get my insurance straightened out, I could get the ultrasound needed to check on these things.
Anyway, other than that, I know she’s super healthy just like Jiraiya was his entire time on the inside.  She’s super active and keeps kicking my butt (sometimes literally).  I can already tell she’s going to outweigh his birthweight by at least a pound and a half.
The heartburn tells me she’ll have a head full of hair like her brother but not all over her body like he did.  I’m just not making the same mistake I did last time and I’ll take whatever they prescribe me for pain because man oh man, I had no idea I was going to hurt so bad.  I thought I could just be okay without it.  I hate heavy pain medicine but I don’t ever want to put myself through that again.
I’ve already looked up a lot of postnatal yoga videos on youtube.  I’m looking forward to mommy and me yoga again.  And now that Jiraiya is so much bigger now, I can’t wait to start incorporating playtime with him into my workouts. 
Oh and with my new vegan diet, I’ll have the energy to actually keep up with these things again.  I didn’t realize how much more tired and sluggish I was eating Nimal products before.  I thought my only symptom was the sharp pain in my throat when I age them.
The good news about that is I’ve found a ton of vegan recipes on youtube I can’t wait to try out. ^-^
I know we were in a better place back in December but things crashed and burned only a month after I posted that.  That lead to being homeless again and food being scarce again and Jiraiya staying with Jacques’ aunt for a month until we got ourselves into a family shelter.  It seems to me that every time we get pregnant it’s during a time when everything is going great and then as soon as we get pregnant, everything falls apart.  Seriously, what are these kids we make made of that the universe does everything it can the make their journey into this world so freaking difficult?  I mean seriously, I take all these trials as signs that they’re each meant for something great.  But will it be famous kind of great?  Or will it be a much more subtle, revolutionizing way where they change the world from behind the scenes out of the spotlight?  Who knows.  I just know they’re awesome.

I’ve also been addressing my mental health issues as well.  You don’t go through what I’ve been through in life without developing some issues.  And if you do, then there was something a whole lot worse already wrong with you to begin with.
I’m doing this so that I don’t become my mother.  She never addressed her issues and my brothers and I suffered for it.  No clue why she would always just lie around and do nothing.  She always seemed to have plenty of energy to do what she felt like doing but I guess that meant she didn’t want to really raise us.  I’m not sure and I know I’m extremely biased.  All I know is I don’t want to put any of my children through the same crap I went through.
So, I’m addressing the depression and the anxiety and the ocd that’s been plaguing me my entire life.  I’ve finally found a great team to help me out.  Unlike every other therapist and/or psychiatrist I’ve ever been to in the past, they don’t condescend me and they give me a lot of credit for being intelligent enough to understand what they’re saying.  Which I  do.  It’s just, you could tell me the exact answer to all of my problems but it won’t do me any good if you talk down to me in your delivery.
Anyway, now I’m just rambling.  I need sleep in the worst way.

Have a Great Labor Day weekend!  If you throw a barbecue or go to someone else’s, do me a favor please and post what you ate in the comment section so I can live vicariously through you a bit.  This transition into veganism hasn’t been easy for me.
Until next time, Wonderlings!

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