I’ve noticed the most popular post on this blog is the satire I wrote about what to do about a nitpicking spouse. Looking at the top searches that leads to my blog, I’m highly disturbed; nitpicking, nagging husbands, etc. Basically, people find this blog on a path of negativity. Most people aren’t finding this blog on a search for something positive and that simple fact has opened my eyes and I’m making some changes to this blog.
I haven’t been writing for awhile for many reasons. Mainly because I was working all the time and then our computer and almost every worldly possession we had was stolen right from under us. And that includes our computer. The only source I once had for logging in and blogging.
Now here it is, several months later and I find that a post I wrote when I was angry at my husband and wanted to take a passive aggressive stab at him is basically the only thing keeping anyone’s attention.
Lemme tell ya, that really sucks. And I don’t mean that in a “oh, why doesn’t anyone like me? poor me.” kind of way. No, I mean, wow… What is going on in the world that these negative things are all that people are searching for? Then, I took a step back and remembered the world does not revolve around me and asked myself, “Exactly how devoid of positive energy is my life that only the negative has attracted people to it?”
I will be removing some of the negative posts from my past. The ones that I can tell were written with bitterness and the negative energy I was surrounded by at the time.
And MAN was I surrounded by some negative energy. I let it inside me. I let it consume me. I was so angry about a lot of things. Being conned out of my money. Being supportive despite knowing it was going to lead to our downfall. Being stolen from. Just. So. Many. Things.
I’ve learned a lot over the years I spent in Tulsa surrounded by so much negative energy and people. I’ve learned that there is absolutely no reason whatsoever to stay in a place or around people that you already know are bad for you. None whatsoever. I could have kept my relationship with Mr. J and still gotten away from the situation and the people. But no. I stayed. I stayed and I suffered for it. We all did. I blamed him for it for the longest time. I blamed him for getting me into the situation in the first place.
Sure, he chased me (literally) each time I tried to leave and he told me about how he couldn’t do the relationship thing without co-habitation. I blamed him for spending all the money. I could have left while I had the money and while I had the job. I could’ve lived without a relationship. How pathetic was I to throw away my happiness and livelihood just to save a relationship with a guy that was too stubborn to admit he was wrong and start over somewhere else with the woman he claimed to love.
Sure, he’s better now that we’re back in Maryland. I mean, MAJOR difference. He’s still the same arrogant, boastful, bastard he ever was but at least he’s not out of his gourd anymore. Like, he’s not the micro-managing, nagging, nitpicking control freak he once was. He actually listens to what I have to say. He doesn’t whine and bitch and moan all the time anymore. He’s himself again. Back to the man I met and immediately fell in love with.
He, like myself, regained his sanity and optimism once he removed himself from the place and the people that were so full of bad energy that it was sucking the life out of us.
And now that I’m finally away from the bad influences that was smothering any chances I had at staying positive, I want to start writing posts that reflect what this blog is supposed to be about. It’s supposed to be about positive changes, growth, helping ourselves and others. It’s supposed to give hope, not wallow in hopelessness. But that’s what I was doing. I was wallowing in the hopelessness of my situation and the ensuing misery. Any little bit of positive energy I could muster up was quickly squelched.
But no more of that. It’s all good from here on out. Even when I write about things that aren’t positive, I won’t be whiny and bitchy and grumbling. I’ll be optimistic, determined and hopeful.
So, here’s to a new chapter in Wonderland.