This time of year has brought about the usual grumblings out of the single people of the world. Valentine’s Day and Springtime twitterpation being the usual culprits. Having been my best and sometimes only friend my entire life, I never have been able to fully grasp just how being single is enough to make anyone bitter or angry.
“I’m destined to be alone.”
“I’ll never find the one for me.”
“There’s no good guys left.”
“There’s no good women left.”
“I give up. I’ll never find love.”
“I’m going to push everyone away from now on. I’m done!”
“I’m tired of crying myself to sleep at night.”
“If I just had somebody, life would be so much better.”
Any of those sound familiar? They should because thousands of singles say these same phrases every single day, not just around Valentine’s Day. They’re uttered by people of different ages, different walks of life, different countries, different backgrounds and they all have one thing in common they aren’t happy with themselves.
And it doesn’t seem to matter how many times you tell them that they need to learn to love themselves properly before anyone else can. They seem to be determined to hold onto their discontent for dear life. They’ve become comfortable with their misery.
It’s like a girl I once knew from Estonia told me; “When you’re neck deep in shit, you get used to it. Then when you get out, it’s cold, so you want to jump back in. But you can’t do that. You have to bear the cold and get cleaned up.”
They don’t realize they’re sabotaging themselves from the one thing they want most.
It’s just like if you have a friend who goes hiking every weekend. And come Monday morning, without fail, they return with tales of misery and woe. After months and months of this same pattern, you begin to wonder why they even bother but you shrug it off, telling yourself it’s none of your business. Then one fateful day comes when they invite you to join them because “it would be a lot more fun with someone else to join in”. And what do you do? Well, I don’t know about you but most self-respecting people would promptly decline that offer. Why because it doesn’t sound fun. Plain and simple. Why invite someone into an already miserable situation with delusions that their presence will make it all the better? (it’s a trap! run!)
It’s the same with a relationship. How selfish is it to expect any one person to come into your life and magically supply all the happiness it lacks? A lot of people would disagree with me (namely those who fit this description) but that’s exactly what you’re asking for by refusing to take charge of your own life and your own happiness with it. By sitting around waiting and wishing Mr. or Mrs. Right to come along and make your life complete, you’re making them 100% responsible for your happiness. Does that sound fair to you?
That’s like responding to a job listing and showing up to work only to find out that not only did the listing fail to mention that you’re expected to do every single job there with no help from your supposed bosses or coworkers. And if that’s not enough, you learn that they couldn’t tell you how to do your job because they don’t know, themselves. You’d be upset wouldn’t you? I certainly hope so. Some people would be downright livid. That isn’t right. It’s downright inhumane.
Bottom line: If you can’t make yourself happy, no one else can.